Cut the Shit

Happy Weekend!

For those of us that are of the Jewish persuasion, have a safe and redemptive Yom Kippur! Atone for my sins as well as your own, if you don’t mind.

For those of us that are of the Gentile persuasion, have a fantastic weekend all around!

We’ll reconvene here next week for some more shit cutting.

Take care!

A Crack In My Stone-Cold Heart

I just took a quick walk to buy a pack of cigarettes and on my way back I saw a pigeon sitting on the sidewalk. I walked up to it and noticed that it was covered in some sort of goo, almost like it was a victim of the Exxon Valdez disaster. The poor little bird just sat there with its head turning in all directions. Although I was standing directly above it, the bird didn’t even try to fly away. It just sat there looking like all was lost.

Living in NYC, pigeons can be a major hassle - but I have this soft spot in my heart for any type of animal – even the rats in the subway tunnels. I wanted to scoop this bird up in my hands and pet it until the last remaining moments of its life slipped away. When I got back into the building, I told our security guard about the situation and he went outside to “take care of the problem”. I just hope he handled it in the most humane way possible.

I hate seeing things like this. Now I’ll have the image of a dying bird in my brain for the rest of the day. It just looked so pathetic and helpless.

Sad.

I've Fallen In Love All Over Again

Disclaimer: There will be many spoilers in this post. If you haven't seen the most recent Nip/Tuck, you will want to skip this entry and (definitely) come back later. If you have seen it, read away and let's rock! But in either case, this post will be entertaining whether you're a fan or not*.

You know...it's weird. I do talk pop culture on this website, but very rarely do I focus on one particular show. I mean, I love TV, as we know, and I'm one of the few people in the world that truly believes the television does nothing, but stimulate the mind and create a better awareness of self and society.

Look at THAT sentence. Say what you will, but television is not a mind-rot. Depending on how you use it, TV can be an un-intimidating way to explore parts of your personality that you could be otherwise naive or ashamed of.

Point being...

Nip/Tuck is by far my most favorit(est) show on the air. I jumped on board last season and after being completely overwhelmed by the chaotic storylines, this summer I proceeded to watch every episode ever created. If you have the chance to do that, it would make the experience of this season that much more powerful and intense.

Last night's episode was the episode I've been waiting for since the debut on 9/5. The creator, Ryan Murphy, made a major deal of saying that the show was going to go back to being about personal relationships and not so much about SHOCK value. To be totally honest, I like the shock value and it's what drew me in to the show in the first place. So imagine my slight disappointment when I had to tell my family and friends (who I BEGGED to watch this show with me) that the current episodes are drop dead amazing. I mean, they've been good, but they haven't been CRAZY good.

And then came last night.

FIRST...Liz (Roma Maffia - pictured with the doctors above)...who we fucking love...her character is written so well that, without having to spell it out, she has so much integrity - you love her whether you're concious of it or not. She is so conservative and honest and the only person on the planet that Sean and Christian (the main docs) truly respect. When she went to the lesbian bar with Christian this week (cuz she's so lonely and desperate for an honest relationship - who ain't?), she met a super hot, young woman. She got excited, took her home and did the bump and grind. WAIT. Did I just write "bump and grind"? That's embarrassing and there's obviously NO way I can take it back. This is a computer afterall.

Liz wakes up the next morning (after her seemingly amazing hook-up) and realizes that her cell phone is taped to her hand. It rings, she answers and is told "You're going to be ok. Don't move, the ambulance is coming, cuz we've taken your kidney." Liz pulls back her bedsheet and lo and behold...BYE KIDNEY!

AMAZING. Especially cuz we love the Liz.

Couple scenes later...Sanaa Lathan...she is a wonderful addition to the cast. She's gorge, sophisticated and I appreciate her acting ability. In a fight with her and her pimp mommy, a young model gets slammed in the face with a marble knick-knack and I went NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The scene was violent and ugly. Bitch's teeth got knocked the fuck out and that makes me squeam. ish.

Ten minutes later, Melissa Gilbert (SAG president and Little House on the Prairie ya'll...) has a fight with her husband over the fact that she's been cheating on him. Her husband says "I found the peanut butter on the bedside table and I know you're cheating on me again. It's obvious." Melissa says "No, no, (snore) no!" and "What's in your duffle bag?" The husband says "I did what any jealous husband would do. I killed your lover." He opens the duffle bag and out drops their family dog. THEIR FAMILY DOG!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT!???!?!?!??!?!

SICK!

FANTASTIC!

MELISSA GILBERT?

YAY!

This show is completely over the top, but while other shows have to "jump the shark" to achieve the same sort of intensity, Nip/Tuck has some of the smartest and most emotionally driven writing on television. They are allowed to have beastiality, lobster claw babies, hermaphroditic serial killers (the carver), on the show cuz the writing completely supports it.

Here's why...

If you're a newbie to this show, then there's no doubt you were confused by Sean's fantasy when wanting to fuck the nanny (which by the way is so fucking appaling and his character BETTER have woken the fuck up after last night). In this vignette, there was the dude with the tatoos playing his devilish side and Megan, the brunette chick, playing his angel. Tatto man = not as important. Megan = majorly important.

Megan is a patient from season one that had her breasts removed due to cancer. She wanted implants as a gift to her husband and once she had them, she left him. Sean took the implants out (as she requested)and decided to carry on an affair with her. For infidelity (which is usually appalling)...they had an absolutely beautiful relationship and you forgave Sean for going forward with it (Megan was worth it). But Megan got cancer again and decided to kill herself rather than let the cancer do it's slow and ugly thing.

In her big moment and one of the longest scenes in the show's history, Megan goes to a hotel, sits at a desk in her room and writes goodbye letters. She writes goodbye to her ex-husband, Sean, etc. She then climbs into bed...takes a bunch of pills, washes them down with booze and puts a bag over her head, very peacefully. (bag over the head...because it turns out that when you kill yourself with booze you fall asleep, but then you wake up and ultimately die from vomiting - ugly. The way to beat that? You go to sleep from the pills and suffocate yourself with the bag on your head...no vomiting - much more peaceful - please do not try this at home). Megan put the bag on her head and went to sleep. You see every minute of her final moments on earth and it will absolutely rip your guts out. And just when you think that you couldn't cry anymore...you see that she is not alone. Sean is sitting next to the bed, watching her, making sure that she dies with her one true love next to the bed.

The episode ended and I cried for a long time, sitting in my living room, wondering how life can be so beautiful and ugly at the same time.

Megan is Sean's good place. To see her for the first time in 3 years (seasons)...it just felt right. When her face popped up, I actually melted. She's one of the few "character storylines" that I truly loved and respected.

Last night was important to us Nip/Tuck aficionados. This show makes me so happy and sad at the same time, but overall, it makes me excited...what WILL they do next? Such brilliance - true artwork - it's exactly what quality television should be about. I know that sounds ridiculous, but honestly...it's a respectable guilty pleasure. Even saying that I feel gross. It's not a guilty pleasure, per se...it's ahead of it's time.

I like lots of television shows: Lost, ER, Larry King Live(for real), Entourage, Big Love, so many more it's embarrassing...but this one...man. It's escapism as it's absolute best. If you give over to it and make an effort to truly understand the character's motivations, I guarantee that you will be astounded. A and also stounded.

Who is ever this passionate about a television show? Other than spikey haired gay dudes like me?

Give it a shot, no?

*not a guarantee

How Do I Feel About You?

I was reading up on my friend ARESVILLE today and I decided to immediately steal a post idea from her. Then I got to the end of the post and read that she thought the post would be perfect for me. Does this girl know me or what?

*List ten things you want to say to people you know but you never will, for whatever reason. Don't say who they are. Use each person only once.*

So without further ado, here are ten people that I wish I could be more honest with, but don’t for whatever reason – and you know that’s hard for me. I’m KNOWN as the guy who speaks what’s on his mind, for good or bad. But nonetheless…

1) We’ve been through so many ups and downs over the years and I can’t tell you how good it feels to currently be going through one of the up phases. You’ve been a constant support to me and you never let the ball drop on our friendship. There are FEW people in my life that I trust as deeply as I trust you. Nothing I say ever shocks you nor causes you to look down upon me in any way. And that is what I call the foundation of any solid friendship. Additionally, when I’ve needed to grow and progress, it is always you that causes me to do so. I’d be half the man I am if I had never met you. I ask you to hold my hand from now until it goes lifeless.

2) My heart hurts every day due to the fact that we don’t see each other more than twice a year. While I harbor no resentment towards you or the situation that we’re in, I literally ache for your company. You know that I’m the kind of person that makes my life wherever I live and I’m not good at keeping in touch long distance. But for some reason, I miss you more and more every day. I’ve been unable to put our friendship on the back burner and I still hope for the day when we live down the block from each other. Some people want to retire to the Caribbean…I want to retire and be your next door neighbor. I’ll save a seat for you on the front porch as the ice tea is already made and waiting.

3) Probably my most treasured find in this great big city of New York. It took me a long time to realize why I was so drawn to you and what you have to offer to the world. Now that I see who you truly are, I will never let you go. Your hard outer shell is just that: a shell. You are one of the most intelligent and beautiful people I know. Your honesty, while reserved for those that you trust, enables me to grow as a friend and as a human being. I believe that you would give the world to me if you could and because of that, I will do whatever I can in my life to make sure that you share in every happiness I’m afforded. I never tell people that we’ll be friends for life, cuz most times that’s not true. Yet when it comes to you, I can say without question that we’ll be lunching long into our 80’s. Then I’ll probably die. But die feeling fulfilled.

4) You are a friend that I let into my personal life and it’s rare that I question these types of decisions. For a long time I believed that I had found a soul mate in the friendship that we shared, but you’ve consistently let me down and shown me that you are unable to reciprocate most of the good that I’ve given to you. You are brainwashed by love and you are becoming someone that I never would have wanted in my inner circle. I believed in you and for some reason you forgot how to believe in yourself. I see that your “other half” has been the cause of most of the angst in our relationship, but frankly, it’s up to you to retain your individuality and more importantly, to be the friend that I’ve been to you over the years. The saddest part is that I’m having a very hard time trusting you when you say that I’m still one of your most cherished friends. How can that be true when I haven’t heard your voice in more than a month?

5) You are manipulative. I not only question your motivations, I question your character. I’m tremendously concerned by your need to meddle in business that isn’t yours. I fake like I appreciate you and I pretend that I’m supportive of the choices you’ve made for you and your partner. But truthfully, I’m only civil with you in order to maintain some semblance of calm within my close friendships. My hope is that one day you will be exposed for the fraud that you are. And on that day, I will proudly spit in your face.

6) I know that you love me. I know that you want to be with me. I know that you see a future for us. But then why don’t you act like it? Why don’t you make more of an effort to be a part of our relationship? Why don’t you call me more? Why don’t you set aside some time for us? Why can you be so negative and hold me up to standards that you, yourself, cannot achieve? I’ve been a handful, but I’ve also showed you what true devotion and family can mean. No more threats of moving on without you. But I’m begging you to please step up to the plate and be the man I fell in love with. It’s never too late to change and I’m obviously in this for the long haul.

7) You are probably the most adorable being on the planet. You are dedicated to me and it shows. All you ask from me is love and understanding and I’ve done my absolute best to fulfill those needs. But now I need to ask something of you. Please stop pissing on my floor. It’s a hassle and makes it look as though you were raised in the forest. Clearly we don’t live in an area with trees and woodland creatures. You must use the designated area for excrement or there are going to be some unfortunate restrictions placed upon your daily life.

8) For years I was afraid that you were going to die and leave me alone. You laughed and explained that “that is just not going to happen”. I finally caved in to your way of thinking, but in the process you and I became even closer to each other than we were. Now I’m back to worrying that you will have to leave me some day and I’ll be forced to live a life that’s virtually impossible to do without you. You are my “go to” girl and the one person in my life that can take my problem, make it yours, figure out a solution, and hand it back to me with a band-aid over the wound. I could spend hours and days on the phone with you and never get bored. You listen to all of my stories and ask for nothing, but my devotion in return. Moving closer to you is the only idea that has ever shaken my resolve to follow my dreams through to their bitter end. I would literally give up just about any happiness in my life if it meant that you and I would be this close until I’m 83 and sleeping with the fishes.

9) Speaking of sleeping with the fishes, I want you to be. I never wish for death upon people, but my hatred for you goes so deep that if you were to die in an awful, tragic accident, I would feel a sense of calm that I never had to look you in the eye and listen to your lies ever again. You are an absolute waste of a human being and I’m not the only person who sees you for who you really are: an incompetent, self-absorbed, asshole. I know secrets about you that you thought were otherwise hidden and if I ever get the chance to expose you, I will take that opportunity and run with it. I will destroy you and I will laugh. When you are sent to hell for being the ANTI-everything good in the world, I will breathe a sigh of relief. Karma is a strong force and she’s coming for you buddy. You should sleep with one eye open, cuz there are many of us waiting in line to smother you with that pillow.

10) Why are you testing me to the point of breaking me? You know my heart is in the right place and you know that I want nothing more than to please you. Yet, when I reach out to you, I feel nothing, but guilt, and as though I’m wasting my time – like you have it out for me or something. We used to be inseparable and I used to get into many arguments defending your name. Now, without believing that you truly do care about my happiness, I feel lost and like I’m floating in an abyss of confusion and dismay. Is it possible that everything I felt up until the day I turned 25 was all for naught? If I ever truly believed that this is all there was between us, I wouldn’t be able to continue living my life. And you know that’s true and not exaggerated in any way.

Well!

That felt GREAT! Who knew I needed to unload so badly? Take THAT assholes in my life and for those of you that I love, understand that this is only a fraction of how I feel. If I could spend every day telling you how much I appreciate you, I would. What a beautiful life that would be.

Have You Ever Hated Your Journal?

I think it’s because I had a crazy busy week and then once you haven’t written for days, it becomes even harder to jump back in. I’m a fickle bitch. But with good skin.

So guess what happened to me this weekend? I woke up on Sunday morning and tried to light a cigarette, but it kept falling out of my mouth. I’m like “Wha?” I then proceed to touch my lips and I realize that the upper one had exploded in giganticness. I run to the bathroom mirror and realize that a mosquito has bitten me right on the lip line! My lip was SWOLE!

I looked fucking ridiculous and did my best to cover up the hideousness. It wasn’t until mid-day Monday that my lip went back to normal. It didn’t hurt or anything, but it looked like I had a shit load of collagen put in. It was dumb.

Overall, the last week and a half has been pretty shitty. But I’m hoping that changes this weekend. I need a good week.

I’ve been taking care of my family dog this week. He and Tyler are running around like crazy and it’s like non-stop Wrestlemania in my apartment. Then tomorrow, I have my friend Tessa’s little pup staying with me until Saturday. It’s going to be a full out zoo! I’m totally looking forward to having three dogs running around and playing. How cute is that going to be? I’ve been trying to give an equal amount of love to the two dogs I have…now I’m going to have to grow an extra arm so I can pet them all at the same time.

My parents are staying with me this weekend and my mom is the most excited about having the third dog with us. She loves her some dogs. It’s going to be quite a weekend!

Then next weekend my friend Rita is coming to town for the first time in years! She hasn’t met Tyler yet and I haven’t seen her since before the summer. I’m super amped about it. It will be one of the first nights she’s been away from her baby and I’m so happy she’s choosing to spend the night with me!

I know this post is kinda lame today, but I needed to ease back into this journal. You understand.

Lastly…all I can say about Nip/Tuck last night is “Piggy Lips”. Hahahaha. And bitch tried to fire Liz? NO ONE fires Liz. We all know that. And Christian got lipo? Fantastic!

Latas!

PEACE

Angels of high unite
Let there be peace in the world tonight
Take away our fears,
Wipe away our tears,
Take away our anger and pain.
Our hearts are heavy,
Embrace us, give us hope
Replace hatred with love,
Sorrow with memories of joy,
Let our hearts be light

Angels of high unite
Bring peace to us tonight.

By Chris St. Denis

Image by Time Magazine Online

Nip/Tuck of LOVE!

I’ve waited two days to write this post and now I wait no more. If you still have Nip/Tuck taped and waiting at home to be watched, you may want to skip this post.

Tuesday night at 10pm was like fucking Christmas! I was so excited for the season premiere that I had butterflies in my stomach. What is this show? My girlfriend?

In any case, the premiere did NOT disappoint. There was no Kimber nor a Matt and that sucks cuz they are my two flavoritest of characters. The show was also MUCH more low key than it’s been in the previous seasons. But then again, when your storylines are usually serial killer rapists that use dildos to fuck you in the ass, ANYTHING after that is going to be more tame.

Two HUGE revelations, one of which is so fantastic, I almost blew my load in my pants.

1) Julia is having a claw baby. The medical term is Ectrodactyly and it is one fucked up deformity. Everything about you looks like it should except for some gnarly hands and sometimes, feet. It’s a terribly sad state of affairs, but since we’re talking about a fictional television show, I’m all about them having claw babies. SO sad and SO going to be an emotional rollercoaster.

2) Brooke Shields played Christian’s therapist and boy did she have some heavy shit to say to him. First of all, it’s nice to see Brooke back on television. I’ve always enjoyed her stupid face. In any case, the BEST part of the whole episode is when she looks Christian in the eye and says “You are in love with Sean (his best friend and business partner).” I about SCREAMED! It’s totally crossed my mind before, especially when Christian and Sean had that threesome awhile back. But now Christian is actually considering the possibility that he IS gay and that’s why he uses and abuses women so much. Holy shit…if this show goes in THAT direction, I’m going to die on the spot – from sheer joy. Christian Troy is the hottest shit on TV these days. And revered by men for being so…swarthy. Make him a homo! Or at least ride this storyline to its bitter finish!

Overall, the show moved very fast and I was riveted to my seat. There were the usual shockers and of course a tear or two slipped out of my eye at the end of the episode. I can’t say it enough…DO NOT MISS OUT ON NIP/TUCK.

Ryan Murphy is the creator of the show and he is pure brilliance. It’s such a beautifully done series and the one thing that STILL makes me a devoted fan…the plotlines move so fast that there’s always something new going on! It’s crazy good. And Ryan Murphy is the shiznit.

He is also directing the new movie Running with Scissors, which is based on a book by Augusten Burroughs. The book is so fantastic, you might want to propose to it when you’re finished. Considering that the book is so damn good and Ryan Murphy is directing, this is surely not one to miss!

Ok…back to my overly hectic and chaotic job.

NIP/TUCKNIP/TUCKNIP/TUCKNIP/TUCKNIP/TUCKNIP/TUCKNIP/TUCK

NEWS BULLITIN

Tonight is the season premiere of NIP/TUCK. Oh yes, it IS that important that you are aware. BEST SHOW. ON. TELEVISION.

10pm on FX.

You musn't miss.

Mus and n't.

We'll discuss tomorrow.